Home is where she kept her trinkets, sometimes in boxes,
the place mother's hair went from brown, to black, to grey.
She once hid fathers cigaretts inside the dresser drawer,
staving death with an impotent gesture.
Home is where father learned to quit - or else,
the place where she dug holes, built tree forts,
and read the first book to make her cry.
Home is the place mother watched her brother die.
Home is where she colored Care-Bears and chased grasshoppers,
and took pride in homework on the fridge.
Home is where the breathing machine took up a full corner,
where the wheel chair sat in another.
Home is where she begins anew
putting trust in a family of two
where memory mixes with hope
fresh stems poking from broken ground.
The windows shifted, the doors changed colors.
"We always have each other
except you can't feel your brother."
Home is where she can point to the spot of his last breaths,
where father was the steady rock,
where the same man was a pebble thrown past his purpose
Where father wept.
Where mother couldn't leave, couldn't stay.
The place where meaning is buried in the ground.
Home is why they moved away.
Home is the port where my ship casts off
and the seas from which I have come,
where the waves pass over the spot he lay.
Home is what they search for now:
aged birds able to build a nest
where these walls won't remind them
of their son at rest.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Meet the Softball Team
A youtube video created by our coaches husband that highlights on our on field success of last year: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVAqa-aIihw
Deerstruck - The Tragic Ending to My Car
Driving home from Larned right before Christmas, the 23rd, the night was cold with a chance of snow and covered in the darkness only the sparse population of Western Kansas can create. My fiance and my two male cousins who live in Salina and I were playing the alphabet game through Great Bend to pass the time. Great Bend was the only chance we got to play a game, because billboards don't exist after Great Bend for about a hundred miles.
We were chattery and giggly, having the whimsical mind wanderings of a long car trip when from the corner of my eye I spotted an unavoidable collision and just lightly tapped the breaks to slow the inevitable. I'm not sure I immediately gathered my wits, but the car stopped about a quarter mile away from the impact. All four of us were unharmed, not even whip lash. My cousin handed me the phone and I dialed 911 to make sure I got an insurance claim. I remember getting out of the car, looking at the damage, and exclaiming "SHIT" louder then I do when I strike out. Not only was the wheel well smashed up on the tire, but there were dropping deer guts (and hairs!) on my passenger door on the drivers side. After inspecting the whole drivers side of the car for multiple nefarious dents, I went back in the passengers side to sit down (b/c the drivers side no longer opened from the outside) and realized my fiance and younger cousin had walked off to check the mileage marker (brilliant idea that...). So My older cousin and I sat in the car and waited, mostly with me ranting about my car; I rather favored it once upon a time.
Eventually a car pulls up behind us, and me being a female and him being under 18, I immediately tell him to lock his door. The guy who walks up has a smile on, and kind of laughs when he asks "You guys the ones who hit the deer back there?" My cousin nods his head. "Is everyone OK?" Another nod. "Wheres the driver?" At that I opened my door to show myself and started talking outside the car near the damage. He tells me four other deer are near the fallen one (it was a yearling thankfully, so that made sense) and that he is going to go watch over them so no one else runs into it. It seems like a nice thing to do to me, so I get back in my car. He goes to his car, must have had a second though, comes right back up to my window and I quote: "If you guys hear a gun shot don't worry, it's just me finishing it off." I swallowed hard and nodded with a smile. I had opened my door and even gotten out of the car with a man who did have a gun! But, he had no ill intention, I just crossed the advised safety lines enough to make me not want to tread foot on that side again.
He did sit out by the deer, probably wanting the jerky. But when the county deputy did show up I guess he got run off because anyone lucky enough to hit a deer with the car is entitled to the meat, and this man with a gun shooting that deer (who wasn't dead by the way, instead suffering slowly) would have been illegal. The deputy gets to our car, takes the report, decides to chuck my left blinker which fell off into the ditch, asks if we are drivable, and heads back to his car. We debate it for a few seconds, laugh at the deputy's stupidity, and go get the light. My car is foreign, and hell if I knew what piece to order without having the physical copy to take to Auto Zone. After that I put the car in drive and accelerate slowly to about 70. The deputy kindly followed for about a mile before turning around. Then we pass over the first bridge. Any bump in the road made the tire rub on the newly dented wheel well and squeal as if it would pop. The first few times confused us, but once we figured out what was happening I slowed the car down to about forty, and my 16 year old Catholic cousin began to repeat the Hail Mary under his breath until we reached Salina.
Prayers in the back seat and at a crawl of a pace, we did make it back to Salina in one piece, dropped off the boys, and parked the car. Then all that was left was the (still) unresolved hassle of insurance. Actually, all I have left is to fax the copy of the title, which I pick up Monday from the courthouse, and to get a check - I think. But as many phone calls and errands as I've done for this already and its almost a part time job to collect on your insurance!
The car really isn't too bad off. My dad took a screwdriver and a hammer to the dents and fixed a majority of them. The car is a far stretch from pretty and still missing a blinker, but at least the wheel well doesn't rub.
We were chattery and giggly, having the whimsical mind wanderings of a long car trip when from the corner of my eye I spotted an unavoidable collision and just lightly tapped the breaks to slow the inevitable. I'm not sure I immediately gathered my wits, but the car stopped about a quarter mile away from the impact. All four of us were unharmed, not even whip lash. My cousin handed me the phone and I dialed 911 to make sure I got an insurance claim. I remember getting out of the car, looking at the damage, and exclaiming "SHIT" louder then I do when I strike out. Not only was the wheel well smashed up on the tire, but there were dropping deer guts (and hairs!) on my passenger door on the drivers side. After inspecting the whole drivers side of the car for multiple nefarious dents, I went back in the passengers side to sit down (b/c the drivers side no longer opened from the outside) and realized my fiance and younger cousin had walked off to check the mileage marker (brilliant idea that...). So My older cousin and I sat in the car and waited, mostly with me ranting about my car; I rather favored it once upon a time.
Eventually a car pulls up behind us, and me being a female and him being under 18, I immediately tell him to lock his door. The guy who walks up has a smile on, and kind of laughs when he asks "You guys the ones who hit the deer back there?" My cousin nods his head. "Is everyone OK?" Another nod. "Wheres the driver?" At that I opened my door to show myself and started talking outside the car near the damage. He tells me four other deer are near the fallen one (it was a yearling thankfully, so that made sense) and that he is going to go watch over them so no one else runs into it. It seems like a nice thing to do to me, so I get back in my car. He goes to his car, must have had a second though, comes right back up to my window and I quote: "If you guys hear a gun shot don't worry, it's just me finishing it off." I swallowed hard and nodded with a smile. I had opened my door and even gotten out of the car with a man who did have a gun! But, he had no ill intention, I just crossed the advised safety lines enough to make me not want to tread foot on that side again.
He did sit out by the deer, probably wanting the jerky. But when the county deputy did show up I guess he got run off because anyone lucky enough to hit a deer with the car is entitled to the meat, and this man with a gun shooting that deer (who wasn't dead by the way, instead suffering slowly) would have been illegal. The deputy gets to our car, takes the report, decides to chuck my left blinker which fell off into the ditch, asks if we are drivable, and heads back to his car. We debate it for a few seconds, laugh at the deputy's stupidity, and go get the light. My car is foreign, and hell if I knew what piece to order without having the physical copy to take to Auto Zone. After that I put the car in drive and accelerate slowly to about 70. The deputy kindly followed for about a mile before turning around. Then we pass over the first bridge. Any bump in the road made the tire rub on the newly dented wheel well and squeal as if it would pop. The first few times confused us, but once we figured out what was happening I slowed the car down to about forty, and my 16 year old Catholic cousin began to repeat the Hail Mary under his breath until we reached Salina.
Prayers in the back seat and at a crawl of a pace, we did make it back to Salina in one piece, dropped off the boys, and parked the car. Then all that was left was the (still) unresolved hassle of insurance. Actually, all I have left is to fax the copy of the title, which I pick up Monday from the courthouse, and to get a check - I think. But as many phone calls and errands as I've done for this already and its almost a part time job to collect on your insurance!
The car really isn't too bad off. My dad took a screwdriver and a hammer to the dents and fixed a majority of them. The car is a far stretch from pretty and still missing a blinker, but at least the wheel well doesn't rub.
What my next few months focus on:
Bethany Swede Softball 2008 - Home field in Lindsborg Kansas
here is our team's home link: http://www.bethanyswedes.com/sport/5/9.php
a video link to help you meet the team: A youtube video created by our coaches husband that highlights on our on field success of last year: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVAqa-aIihw
here is our team's home link: http://www.bethanyswedes.com/sport/5/9.phpIt is my senior season and 
I play
I play Center Field for the Swedes College Softball Team and expect a very successful season this year! We will be good.
Here is a link to our season schedule <--
And here is a link to more phots of the team
Bethany Swedes Smugmug Fall Season '07
Bethany Swedes Smugmug Spring '07
a video link to help you meet the team: A youtube video created by our coaches husband that highlights on our on field success of last year: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVAqa-aIihw
Life Phase Shift v 4.2
In two days I begin my final semester of college and senior season of softball! I don't know whether to dread it, welcome it, or resign to accepting the whirlwind. As soon as that semester ends my life shifts radically. I go from engaged to married, jobless to employed, in college to the real world, and a college athelete and competitive player for umpteen years to a.... rec league slow pitch player? This is the last semester of life as I have come to accept as normal. Granted I will be teaching in the schools next year, but I will no longer be a student; something I've been for 90% of my life!
I've been building up my life for awhile, and soon my ship will cast off from the harbor and sail without the student restrictions, to sink or swim on my own. And they didn't teach me how to get married in school, I'll have to figure out how to navigate those seas all on my own (poor Daniel is all I have to say).
I don't know to look forward to it as the calm before the storm, or the last mountain to climb before the open pararies of freedom, but heres to adventure either way eh?
I've been building up my life for awhile, and soon my ship will cast off from the harbor and sail without the student restrictions, to sink or swim on my own. And they didn't teach me how to get married in school, I'll have to figure out how to navigate those seas all on my own (poor Daniel is all I have to say).
I don't know to look forward to it as the calm before the storm, or the last mountain to climb before the open pararies of freedom, but heres to adventure either way eh?
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